How to trick people into thinking you make a really good cup of tea (Part 2)

Simple steps to achieve perceived tea making excellence

The art of making someone (let’s call him Nigel) believe that you are an excellent tea maker can be achieved through the application of some very simple steps before, during and after tea making.

Preparation

"Tea?"

• Simply offering to make him a cup of tea is a great way to start. If Nigel is not yet an established member of a tea round party, he may be pleasantly taken aback by your thoughtfulness to include him in your offering. He might pause for a moment, reflect on your goodwill, and then respond with, “why, yes. I would like a cup of tea, thank you kind lady / sir”. At this point, even if your tea IS abysmal, Nigel will think, “well at least s/he offered...unlike that offensive tea maker, who just makes their own and eats all the biscuits!"

• How do we go even further and make this gesture excellent? Well, as addressed in a previous post on the topic of tea, no-one likes to receive one that is begrudgingly made. We need to eradicate the possibility that Nigel feels that you are only offering him tea ‘because you have to’. So when you offer to make Nigel a brew, do it with a smile. Hand actions when offering (see picture) are also a great way of really conveying your enthusiasm in making great cups of tea. 
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• “So, you have milk, no sugar, right?” Check that you know their tea requirements. Even if you know already, make a point of checking (and smile lots). They will most certainly note the extra effort and there will be a positive expectancy that, “this is going to be a really good cup of tea”.
  
  

• Do not make half a cup of tea. There should be maximum of 1cm between the tea and the rim of the mug. Anything more than this is considered to be “half a cup of tea” and is unacceptable.
  
  

• Choose your mugs carefully. Teas made in mugs that are white inside will look much better (and usually require less brewing effort to accomplish the perfect tea glow). In contrast, teas made in mugs that are dark inside will struggle from the offset. Even an excellently brewed tea in this mug will appear to have a slight ‘water film’ around the edge. The receiver will judge it as poor before even confirming this through taste. To illustrate this, consider the teas pictured below. Both were made using standardised methods, yet Exhibit A is much more appealing than Exhibit B. (Admittedly, neither were particularly excellent at the time of this photo shoot).

Exhibit B: Water film appearance = perceived inadequacy

Delivery

• When delivering the cup of tea to Nigel and others, you need to convey that you have really enjoyed making it. Smiling is crucial here, but you can also verbally express your enjoyment as you put the tea on their desk by saying things like, “BOOM! Here’s ya tea!” and so on. Your own joy will make Nigel smile on the outside...and the inside.
  
  

• Every now and then, and especially with new receivers of tea, it’s good to be “tea-humble”. Point out a fault in your tea (if there aren't any, make it up). Examples: “Oh, it’s not dark enough” (even though it’s clearly brewed perfectly); “Oh, there’s not enough tea in there” (even when there is); “Oh sorry, I’m not sure it’s going to taste very good” (even when you know it will). Despite what you may think, taking this humble approach will actually work in your favour. Not only will people feel like you really care, but on the whole, most people will respond with, “No, no, it’s lovely, thank you! Really, it’s perfect, thanks!” After all, you have just gone out of your way to make them a cup of tea.
  
  

The role of tea maker can end here if you want it to. There are however, small optional additions that you can apply should you wish to in the post-delivery stage.

Post-delivery

• Check tea status informally – “So was that tea all right in the end?"
  
  

• Should you pass their desk on the way to the kitchen, take their empty mugs for them. This small submissive gesture will be much appreciated.
  
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• Offer biscuits. This is a very simple quick win. A separate post will cover a multitude of biscuits and their tea-dipping quality.

“Hang on a second, you've not actually told me the procedure for making a cup of tea!” No. This is just a guide of simple steps that can help you appear excellent (even if your tea making skills are actually mediocre). The optimum tea making procedure is subjective and largely influenced by upbringing and personal tea making experience. In order to establish the best process for making tea (is it teabag > water > milk? Or teabag > milk > water?) appropriate testing must be carried out.